Well it didn’t work out with Brian…back to square one. Its so hard starting over especially when you thought he was the one. Heartbreak is one of the hardest things to get over. They say what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger but I feel so weak. My heart still longs for the love but my mind says its over move on.

They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else…that didn’t work this time.

Its amazing how you’re surrounded by people who you know love you, yet you’re still lonely.

Mentally, physically, and emotionally I’m not ready for a relationship, but you can’t tell my heart that. I have to trust that God know what’s best for me and right now the timing is all off.

And this too shall past…I’ll look back and say it was all worth it one day.

(Written with tears streaming down my face)

I’m so in love with this man (Grizzly).

From the moment we united at FLL airport he treated me like a queen. Our 1st vacation together: no work, just us! I would definitely marry this man. If he ask me I’m ready!

Block once told me that ‘Notebook’ kinda love doesn’t exist anymore, I knew at that point he wasn’t the one for me. Me being in love with love replied, “One day I’ll meet the one for me and I’ll look back and realize it was worth all the bs.”

I think I went on a date with that person “Grizzly” two weeks ago today. When you stop looking for love it shows up. I prayed and God answered my prayer faster than ever.

Grizzly is so handsome, educated, stable, funny, keeps me on my toes, and last but not least a gentleman. He’s everything without being over the top. I secretly love him, but its only been two weeks so I’ll keep it to myself for now. He makes me feel as if he never loved anyone before me. Being in his presence is good enough for me. I can’t wait to say “I do!”. No you didn’t miss anything! He hasn’t asked but if everything continues in this direction my new initials will be ALM. I’m all smiles.

Thank you God. Blessed!

I refuse to let my insecurities about my past relationships ruin the beautiful one I’m in now.

I went out with Brian for the first time last week, yet it feels like an eternity. He’s everything that I prayed for: tall, handsome, educated, funny, treats me like a queen. He’s so good that I often think its too good to be true. Then I realized why I feel this way…past relationships. I have decided from this moment on I’m gonna forget about the past and focus on the beautiful relationship God has given me.

It feels so good to be treated well, sad part is I’m not used to it…I will be starting today.

After contemplating on my relationship with Block I’ve decided that’s not the way to go.

I gift wrapped every single gift he purchased for Christmas yet I didn’t receive any. I can only be upset with myself, a person can do only what you let them.

2011= Getting myself together!!! I can’t attract anyone decent if I’m unhappy with myself. This year will be amazing on an epic level. More travel and events, less drama, making my apartment warm and cozy, last but not least weight loss like no other!!!

I’m ready for the new and improved ‘I KNOW I’M WORTH IT’ me!

While driving to church this morning something hit me. I will be 29 next month, God willing. My mother never got to see her 29 birthday. She died 17 years ago when I was 11 years old, you’d think by now its easier to deal with, the answer is no!

I often think about my future wedding day, she won’t be there. The birth of my children, she won’t be there. When I need good unbasised advice, she’s not there. I cried when my neice Makayla was born because she was my mother’s first grandchild that she never got to see.

I blessed to have my health, family, and friends. Thank you Jesus for watching over me and protecting me. Amen.

I absolutely love sending time with Blo but sometimes its a gift and a curse. When I leave his house I feel super lonely. Today we cuddled in bed, tonight I’ll sleep alone. *sigh*

I’m so in love with him but I’m not sure he feels the same. I know he cares and he tells me he loves me all the time, but being in love is totally different. He’s a great listener and always pushing me to improve but that doesn’t me we’re meant to be. Part of me says be patient he’ll be ready to commit soon, the other part says give up nothings happened thus far. I’m soooo confused and I want off this merri-go-round!!!!

I love Blo like I’ve never loved anyone else. Sad part is we’ve never fully committed to each other. I want to tell him how I feel but im scared of his response. Is he ok with just being friends? Can he see us together forever? Does he think I’m good enough to give birth to his children?

I realized he’s my big when we went about three years with slim to no communication at all. After all that time you’d think I’d be over him, I wish! The moment his number popped up on my bb screen all those feelings I buried sprout up and ran to my heart. Truth is at this point i’ll take him anyway I can get him as long as he continues to treat me with respect.

I know he wants me to step my game up and he’s right I should! Not just to be with him but to be a better ME!!! 2011 I commit to improving myself for ME, if he comes with the package so be it.

For him I will…